Jessica, a 23-year-old who lives in Mississippi, was date a man recently when the topic of sexual background came up. "He was explaining come me that he to be a virgin, and also that he was going come wait until he"s married," she said. "And then he was like, are girlfriend a virgin, too?"

Jessica stated she immediately felt nervous. She"d had sex before, but because of her religious beliefs, had due to the fact that been abstaining from sex. "It to be nerve-wracking," she said. "It was hard, due to the fact that I was hard on myself, anyway. Periodically it feels choose it"s yes for men to do whatever, however if a girl says, no I"m no a virgin, we"re looked at with more shame."

That internalized shame is something the a lot of young women unfortunately suffer — nevertheless of religious background. And also Jessica"s best that men and also women room treated in different ways when it concerns sexual history. If it"s not exceptionally visible in popular culture, numerous studies record a sexual dual standard. Heterosexual males are usually rewarded for having actually a greater number of sex-related partners, when women room stigmatized because that the exact same thing.


So it provides a the majority of sense the women space concerned, like Jessica was, around having come tell a new sexual companion whether or not they"ve had sex before. It"s difficult to know exactly how plenty of women feeling anxious about this, yet the first few autofill outcomes on both Google and also Yahoo! Answers suggest that concern around revealing sexual history is common.

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And of course it is, because linked with the pervasive dual standard the says guys will only like girlfriend if you"re a pure, virginal angel who"s never had actually sex before is the myth the whether or not you bleed ~ sex will provide your sexual history away.


To ease any type of of those concerns: It"s mainly untrue that every woman bleeds ~ first-time sex. That center school rumor originates from a misunderstanding of the hymen, or a thin item of tissue located about centimeters inside the vaginal opening. If you"ve ever before heard the expression "cherry popped" (a expression that absolutely needs to it is in murdered and also never resurrected, by the way), it"s a slang term because that the hymen "breaking" ~ first-time penetrative sex. But as this website has described before, the hymen never actually "breaks." that stretches, and also for about fifty percent of all women, this happens throughout some other, non-sexual task (like jumping on a trampoline or talk a bike), oftentimes in childhood.

Technically, yes, some women endure light come moderate bleeding after having sex because that the an initial time. Yet bleeding can additionally occur the 100th time a woman has had actually sex, resulted in by points like tiny tears ~ above the vaginal wall, menstrual spotting, and a few other things like polyps in the vagina.


Regardless that the nuances of your sex-related anatomy and the nitty gritty details about your hymen, a sex-related partner have to never make you feel negative for any part of your sex-related history. Whether that method they suppose you to be a virgin and also you aren"t, or if you"ve never had sex before and they have. It"s smart to discuss background with a brand-new partner if you have a history of STIs, an especially herpes, HPV, or an additional STI the isn"t totally curable.

Ultimately, Jessica said the male she was dating around her own background because she didn"t want to lie. And if he"d reacted poorly (he didn"t), she wouldn"t remorse being honest. "You have to accept me for who I am, past and also all," she said.

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Hannah SmothersHannah writes about health, sex, and also relationships because that, and also you deserve to follow she on Twitter and also Instagram.
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